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pandemic to the pearl

i blinked and my twenties flew by

every smile kept hurting

every carefree mind was the source of my envy

and i loathe all the people trying to tell me something

they call them episodes

it's supposed to last a long time

it's so awful that it can be considered an excuse

all you can do is nothing

and you repeat yourself and you repeat yourself

and you know the Prozac and Lamictal is now forever

and you know the past can repeat itself

and you know relapsing means swimming

the highest empathy must be shown for oneself

i walked to the sea and got fired

maybe i quit

the words pierced strongly

when it means something it means nothing

what a lethal way to live

i did lines and drank until i had to be sober

Prozac and Lamictal is now forever

the only relationship i've been able to hold on to is the platonic one with my therapist

the rest i pushed away or let die 

rupture without repair

rupture without repair

again and again and there's a loud drum

bang bang bang bang

bad, terrible, cringey poetry

the door the sink the stairs the windows

the hot air from the desert

i whisper to myself

and i run

if you catch me i'll fall down

i won't make a sound

i want your mediocre rhymes

your indifference

your tongue

i did the lines

went to the house

left three days later

they call it strange

i call it life

you can run and run and run

see the photographs of a million smiling faces

let the cold get to your bone marrow

sleep on the floor

ensure your bohemian future

cry about your grandmother's easy laughter

and still

the Prozac and Lamictal is now forever

it hurts to look at the camera

and you hear the well, good luck

and you respond with

these are just episodes 

which they are

they're episodes

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